AS Kevin Pietersen came to the crease with England fiddling about at 2-96, the taunts of a record crowd of 91,092 rang in his ears and a large swarm of flies covered the sticky backs of umpires and fielders.
So isolated did the South Engfrican seem in the middle of the cavernous MCG you half-expected to hear the rasping voice of Yabba reprising a taunt from an era when fans were capable of more than mindless obscenity: "Leave our flies alone Pietersen, they're the only friends you've got.''
That could well be true inside the England rooms. Only Graeme Swann's granny knows for sure.
But Pietersen would find some unexpected allies on the field. Australian fielders Nathan Coulter-Nile and George Bailey, whose dropped catches meant neither the crowd's dearest wish, nor Pietersen's appetite for self-destruction, would be satisfied.
Actually, self-destruction is not entirely accurate. With their wonderfully disciplined line and length the Australian bowlers have this summer made England wickets a form of assisted suicide.
Kevin Pietersen has a swing and a miss at a Peter Siddle delivery on day one of the Boxing Day Ashes Test at the MCG. Picture: Colleen Petch Source: News Limited
On Thursday, Ryan Harris, who finished with 2-32 from 20 miserly overs, played Head of Euthanasia as England eked out 226 runs between six mostly self-inflicted wounds.
In Pietersen's case, denied of the attacking shots that are his oxygen, it had at first seemed only a matter of time before his resolve cracked and he died by his own fidgety hand. Tick, tick, tick, tick.
Yet as Pietersen took 13 balls to get off the mark, then faced a further 25 balls before scoring again, for once in this series "duck and cover'' were merely nought and a fielding position, not a warning for those near the scene of another Pietersen brain explosion.
Perhaps Pietersen had been stung by the trenchant criticism of his various swishes and swats. Perhaps he had learned of Jacques Kallis's retirement and had his mind set on filling the vacancy in the South African middle order.
Whatever was going through Pietersen's mind - the lyrics to the song I'm Too Sexy seems a reasonable first guess - his intention to occupy the crease was obvious. So much so that the inevitable ill-disciplined stroke came out of the blue.
On six, Pietersen top-edged a Harris bouncer straight to fine leg where substitute Coulter-Nile took the catch - then stumbled over the rope and tried to flip the ball back into the playing field.
Except Coulter-Nile kept the ball out of play, conceding a six and bringing a premature end to his career as a professional juggler.
Then, having fought his way to 41, Pietersen played a loose pull shot. This one straight in - and out - of Bailey's usually reliable hands.
That was irritating for Harris who was again denied his just reward, and infuriating for the crowd which, by now, wanted Pietersen's head on a stick. Instead he survived to be 67 at stumps, mostly nudged from an unusually laborious 152 balls.
For some the chants of "Boring, boring…'' that rang out as England scored just 13 runs from 15 overs during a period between lunch and tea will vindicate Cricket Australia's assertion - via the Big Bash League Twitter account - that there was a "much bigger'' Boxing Day match on in Perth.
But to borrow a phrase first used about baseball, the day was only dull to dull minds.
Kevin Pietersen acknowledges the crowd after scoring reaching his half-century. Source: AFP
More pertinent than the entertainment value was whether Michael Clarke's captaincy had this time been too "funky'' when he invited England to bat. Even under a heavy sky you can't imagine Clarke taking the same risk if the series had been 1-1.
It was an indulgence accommodated by circumstances as much as the conditions and justified by some poor shots rather than the tight, probing but not consistently threatening Australian bowling.
Which is easy to say if, unlike Pietersen and Tim Bresnen, you are not ducking and weaving to survive Mitchell Johnson's evening bombardment.
Alastair Cook, Michael Carberry and Root seemed to believe they were at the Boxing Day sales, not the Boxing Day Test, selling their wickets at bargain basement prices.
Only Pietersen went on. And but for a couple of dropped catches even he would not have hurt a fly.
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