Can Pup remain a successful tosser?

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CAN Australia take advantage of a WACA pitch that looks greener than Kermit the Frog's selfies and go to Melbourne with the series tied at 3-3?

Yes, 3-3. Because, incredibly, we might soon have to visit our psychoanalysts and exhume the repressed memories of that other Ashes series to keep this summer interesting.

You vaguely recall that series don't you? The one where England played the moustachioed villain tying their helpless victims to the railway tracks and Australia couldn't untie the ropes before the express streamed through?

Back home Australians were curled up in the foetal position in front of the fire barely able to watch Stuart Broad put the top order to the sword. Manly, Collingwood, Robert Mugabe and whoever wrote that annoying Coles jingle were then ahead of England in the sympathy queue.

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Now, entering the Perth Test, Australia is expected to do to England what a five year old with a new magnifying glass does to an ant. Which leaves those holding tickets for the Boxing Day and New Year's Tests with a tough choice.

Do you want Mitchell Johnson to finish the job in Perth? (I'll leave the psephology to Antony Green, but I'm guessing the 'yes' response is about 99.72 per cent.) Alternatively, do you hope England can somehow sneak out of Perth with a draw - hell, even a win - and thus ensure the MCG and SCG witness more than a ritual burial? (Unless the Barmy Army have Clive Palmer's resources, I doubt they're getting the numbers here.) Personally? Paul Keating famously told John Hewson he had not yet called an election because ''I want to do you slowly''. Australia's defeat in England is still too raw to entertain the notion Michael Clarke's men can pick and choose where and when they reclaim the urn.

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With Broad and Graeme Swann's feats with the ball, and even the flagging Kevin Pietersen's pyrotechnics still in mind, Australia - and Australians - will want to do England right now. Before they get off the spit and take the apples from their mouths.

Is there any prospect England could turn the heat back on Australia? Clarke has proven to be quite a tosser in this series, and not in the way some unfairly imagined in his sports car driving, model dating days.

But should Australia be forced to bat first in Perth there is still some chance they will be hoist on their own very green petard. Stuart Broad showed what he could with the new ball in Brisbane. He doesn't have Mitchell Johnson's pace but he has more guile.

Joe Root's stubborn innings and Matt Prior's half century were small things salvaged by England from the Adelaide rubble. Ryan Harris has a sore knee, which might provide some respite for the English batsmen, at least at one end.

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But the level of defeatism in the England camp is measured by their laments about Perth temperatures forecast to be in the high 30s. Should the tourists spend more than a day in the field, it might be one of the few times the term ''well done'' has applied to them this series.

Which brings us back to the bright prospects of another Australian victory, and the idea of a home and away Ashes score. Something given some credence by Ian Botham who boasted England would win 10-0.

How satisfying then, if Australia can climb back to level things at 3-3. And go to Melbourne and perhaps Sydney looking for the winner.