'I've got to become a better person'

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JAMES O'Connor is putting his money where his mouth is. We've heard before that he is repentant, that he has changed his ways, that he will not err again.

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But by taking a pay-cut of nearly $600,000, O'Connor has no choice but to back up his words now.

The Wallabies star loses the remainder of his ARU top-up payments for 2013 and all of 2014, along with the $84,000 he would have earned in match payments for playing the remaining six Tests of this year, after agreeing to a deal with his fed-up employers regarding his troublesome behaviour.

There are options available to him to recoup some of that cash; France, the United Kingdom, or a switch to rugby league.

But by the sounds, O'Connor  will take the more humble rout of playing for Western Force for roughly a quarter of his annual salary next year, and attempt to earn back the Australian rugby public's respect by returning to the Test arena by mid-2014 a changed man.

"I am doing this for a reason, to step away and make myself a better person on and off the field," O'Connor told News Corp.

"I am trying to do the selfless thing by stepping away, and give the team time to fulfil their potential, and give myself time to improve.

"The goal is to come back and bring a positive energy to the team.

"I don't want this to be my life. I want to be remembered for my rugby."

O'Connor knows this is his final opportunity to salvage his 44-Test career.

"I am at a crossroads," he said.

"I want to play for the Wallabies, but if I keep going the way I am going, that is not going to be available for me.

"It is going to be a hard few months but it needs to be done."

Asked how he would cope with such a significant financial hit, O'Connor said: "I am not a lavish person anyway.

"I like going out for dinner, sushi and what not, but I don't buy massive things.

"I think I have been pretty responsible with the way my money has been invested, I have some good people around me that have helped me there.

"I have some great friends and roommates."

Being escorted from a Perth airport terminal by Federal police three weeks ago after a dispute with airline staff was merely the final straw in a long list of behavioural indiscretions, none of them criminal but all of them detrimental to O'Connor's "brand" and the Wallabies' image.

In forthright candour, O'Connor accepts that he must deliver more than lip service, and that his personality needs work.

"I have spoken about this before, about improving myself, what I am now doing is taking the next step," he said.

"I am working hard, but to be honest it is not as easy as I thought it was going to be.

"I am very serious about changing that.

"It is not an easy decision not being able to play for the Wallabies, this is the hardest decision I have ever made.

"It is where I am right now, and the best thing for the team.

"I am not going to lie, this has been a tough process, one that I've had to be very honest with myself.

"I've had good people that have been very upfront with me, and helped me.

"I have to re-focus myself and get in a good mind-space.

"It is not just an isolated incident.

"There have been a lot of slip-ups along the way. They have been played out in public. Being late, there were a couple of other things, it really is not good enough.

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"I am not saying that as individual thing, but how it takes away from the group.

"I am the first person to say, 'That's not good enough'.

"I have apologised to Ewen McKenzie and Bill Pulver, it is not what a Wallabies player should be doing.

"I have now got to get my head right.

"I want to come back and be a positive influence on the team, not detract.

"I feel that in the right place, away from distractions, with the right people involved, I can really work on it."

O'Connor does not want to put undue pressure on himself or the process of self-improvement he is about to undertake, but in the back of his mind he wants to return to the Wallabies team when they host France for three mid-year Tests starting June 7 next year.

"That is definitely where I would like to be, it is a possibility, it hasn't been ruled out," he said.

"Best-case scenario, if I can sort everything out and be in the right mind frame, that could happen."

But over the coming weeks, O'Connor will spend time with his family on the Gold Coast and undertake the necessary off-field for his rugby revival.

"Every other time I have looked at it, and been in situations, there has always been rugby involved, there has always been a game next weekend," he said.

"Now there is no footy for me in the meantime until 2014.

"There are some hard thoughts and decisions to come, I can't fall back and lose myself playing rugby.

"I am being pretty open, I want to play for the Wallabies, I want to play for Australia, but I am not there yet.

"I want to work out how I can get back there."

Following the big announcement regarding his career and this interview on Thursday, O'Connor went to a suburban field to practice his goal-kicking.

Many more goals must be kicked before the Wallabies are ready to welcome O'Connor back into the fold, but judging by his brutally honest self-assessment, the posts are not beyond his reach.

IN HIS WORDS: James O'Connor on the key issues

HIS OWN BEHAVIOUR

"How I feel right now, it's just not good enough.

"It would be different if this was just an isolated incident, but there have been a lot of mistakes along the way.

"When they keep happening, something needs to be done.

"I don't want people to think of me and remember me that way.

"When I finish as a rugby player I want to be remembered as exactly that – not for what I did off the field."

CATALYST FOR CHANGE

"There was some feedback after the Lions tour, I spoke to Ewen and the boys, and I had been putting in the hard yards.

"But the reality is I'm not there yet.

"As much as I want to play every game for the Wallabies, and this is a tough decision for me, the reality is I am not where I want to be, I am not in the right head space to keep doing what I'm doing.

"I need to take a step back and really think about how I can change this.

"If I do come back and play for the Wallabies, I want to make sure I stay there."

WESTERN FORCE DEAL

"I have been communicating with Foles [Force coach Michael Foley] and talking about the possibility of next year.

"I have every intent of working my way back to the Wallabies, but I don't want to put a time frame on that.

"I am still speaking with the Force, they have been very supportive, they are very open about helping me.

"Initially my thoughts are about taking a step back from all rugby, the next few weeks are all about getting some space."

PUBLIC PERCEPTION

"You never like reading that stuff about yourself, when your family and people close to you are hearing things about you, that is tough to deal with.

"I have had a lot of slip-ups, and I don't want to be known for that reason, I want to be known for my rugby.

"I know personally that I've stuffed up.

"There have been a lot of stuff that has been said about me as a person, people think I have a smirk sometimes but when I get nervous that's how I react, I just go back to having fun."

THE FISHBOWL EXISTENCE

"This is all I have ever known.

"I went straight from school into the set-up – and I am very appreciative of that.

"As a person there is a lot of learning that you do.

"I have been in the public eye, I haven't been able to grow as much as I would have liked."

FAMILY

"There were a lot of other solutions being thrown out there for me, and easier ones.

"But the most influential people, my mum and dad, were honest with me.

"They asked if I had considered this situation, taking a step back and re-focussing.

"There is no one more important than family, blood is blood.

"The more time you spend with them, the more you realise how grounded you are.

"As much as it has been a tough few weeks, I have enjoyed my time spent with them."

IMPACT ON HIS TEAMMATES

"There is a lot of negativity coming out of this being put on the team.

"I don't want to be responsible for that, I want Australian rugby to be winning."

GIVING UP HIS WALLABIES SPOT TO A RIVAL PLAYER

"There will always be guys coming through, as good a player as you, if not better.

"I have got to improve as a player but this decision is about how I can get back there and stay there.

"There are guys with more natural talent than myself, even in the squad at the moment."

END GOAL

"I love to play rugby, it is my favourite thing.

"There is no bigger honour than representing your country.

"I will be out of the spotlight, and I will focus on myself.

"It would be nice if I do step away from all this and over the next few weeks find some clarity."

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